Lockdown: a blessing in disguise?

Before the official announcement of lockdown, it sounds cliché but I really felt things were beginning to come together for me. For example, I started to really (finally) feel settled in Nottingham as I had made more friends this term, some of which I know I'll be friends with for life. Also, my job had finally started giving me set shifts and no overtime, so I had managed to find a good balance between uni/working/socialising! I had also arranged to meet up with my best friends from home, who I hadn't seen for months, on the first weekend of lockdown for her birthday celebrations 💔. Similarly, I had planned to see two of my friends I met and travelled with in Thailand, and I was just so excited as I hadn't seen them for soo long. My summer plans were coming together nicely too, with Ibiza and Bali sorted out, and a couple of festivals too. Generally, my mental health was the best it had been in a long while, and then all this happened.

Of course I was aware so many millions of people were feeling the same as me, and I knew and appreciated that I was lucky enough to be able to go back home for lockdown to my amazing, healthy family, as not every student has been able to do.

Like many others, the first 5 weeks or so were very difficult for me mentally. Going from being a complete extrovert in uni, forever surrounded by my group of friends or work colleagues, to being alone all day everyday as an only child, has certainly been tough. Of course I've always liked my own company (since it's all I'm used to) but not being able to go and socialise took its toll. My parents don't really get it at all, I think as they always grew up with siblings, and so on extra bad days when I could hardly bring myself to get out of bed, they would just call me 'lazy' and a 'moody', which of course didn't help. I felt very alone, more so than ever before, as I felt like people would think I'm attention seeking if I spoke out about what was going on for me in my head. It felt like no one cared about how I was, but really no one really knew I was so low. On one random Thursday night, a conversation sparked in one of my girl's group-chats about how we were all coping. I didn't realise how many of my friends were actually feeling very similar to me (clearly we all hide it pretty well 🙄), and from that night onwards I have generally felt a whole lot better knowing I DO have people who support me, and understand how I have been feeling.

I am so lucky to have the friends I do, who reciprocate the help I also give them. It should be a given in any friendship really, but unfortunately a lot of people can't say it is. By being more open and honest about the way I've felt and what's been going on, they helped open my eyes to people I needed to cut out my life as they were only bringing me down even more by hindering both my self esteem and energy in general. To any of you gorgeous friends who are reading this right now, I luv u xx

Now I have had the support from my friends I am finding my days are so, so much more productive. Uni work is still hard to find motivation for, but it definitely is no longer seen as a chore (sorry to any lecturers who are reading this.. promise I am still working 🤓). I am a happier person and so that is creating a happier environment at home. I have started to learn to love myself more, getting my confidence back, and steering clear of the toxic people who were so involved in my life only a few weeks ago. I have been exploring more of the beautiful area I live in, spending much quality time with my favourite thing in the world, my dog Molly. I have cooked more and learnt new recipes. I'm learning how to sew and alter clothes (so I can stop nagging my mum and up-cycle out of fashion items). Most importantly, I have cut down on the use of social media, and now spend more time reading articles and educating myself. I have set goals for the next 5 years, and planned how I can achieve these, and very similarly, I've planned where I want to travel to next and have started saving already! 🌍💚.

So, to conclude, my main lesson I have taken from this odd situation is definitely OPEN UP. Discuss your struggles, make your problems heard. There is no need to have to suffer in silence when you have friends and family who are always willing to support you (so I should hope).

If anyone is every struggling themselves I am always, always here to talk. Stranger of not, my messages are open! No one should feel alone.

Mia

xo